


I used to fight a war

by flyingisabetterwordforfalling (FlyingFalling)



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Feels, Betrayal, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Character Death(s), Child Death, F/M, Family, Friendship/Love, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Internalized Homophobia (hinted at), Loss, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Michael Wayland, POV Multiple, POV Robert Lightwood, Parabatai Bond, Regret, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingFalling/pseuds/flyingisabetterwordforfalling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert wants to be happy for his son, for Alec for having found the love of his life, but he cannot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from the song ''Show Me Love'' by Robin Schulz and Richard Judge.

He does not smile the moment he sees the warlock taking his son's hand, which does not mean he does not want to. Their love seems to be eternal, he wishes with everything he has, that it is.  
However he knows love does not last forever, one day it will be too much and not enough at the same time. Everything at once. 

It will not safe from getting one's heart broken. When he looks at them, his oldest child and his child's betrothed, he sees everything he could have had. At the same time, he does not. Had he not been married to Maryse Trueblood there would not be a son, who is now holding his partner's hand, nor a wonderful daughter, who he is immensely proud of, neither a child whose death had been all too soon. Had Max not been born he would not have died too soon. Which does not maky any sense.  
Robert looks at his family, the ones who he loves deeply and regrets. Even Maryse, who is currently talking to Isabelle and Jace, and his children's partners and friends. There is no questioning whether he loves them. He does, with all his heart. However, he knows had he reacted differently all these years ago, maybe he could have been truly happy. He could have been with the one he truly loves. 

And now he was dead, and Robert had pushed the other away, the one who had once been the most important person in his life, his parabatai. He regrets not sensing the moment he died, he regrets not knowing, not being there and still knows he could not have done anything to prevent him from that fate. Would maybe even had died beside him.  
What he regrets most is thinking about all of this, he wants to be completely happy for his son, for being with the one he loves most. Still, he cannot because he sees, knows what could have been and regrets, deeply. Hates that part of him, that still mourns and wants to be with his former parabatai despite everything that happend between them. 

Love is not eternal, because in the end someone dies and leaves the other behind. He hopes his son does not have to go through the same he had to go through, wants him to live as long as possible with the warlock he is eventually going to marry. Robert wishes for them to be happier than he was, wants them to have what he could not.  
Most of all he wants Michael to see Alec and Magnus, to know that their society would eventually change and accept. Too late, but still.  
Just like Robert himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have way too many feels due to all these tragic couples and I want to write about them all. (I am going to regret that.)  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael Wayland knows the blazing hands of Death are getting closer, are almost able to touch and his eyes fall shut, when his lungs seem to simply fail to control his breathing.

It feels as if he had been here for so long, when in reality it had not even been hours yet. However, it would not take that much longer. Not anymore. He was already feeling dizzy, hugging his son close to his chest. Michael Wayland knows he is trapped, he knows he is going to die here, that this are his last moments, it is merely a matter of minutes, maybe, if his situation is more than unfortunate, still hours by now. The doors have been locked, he cannot even open the windows. Even if he could, he has no strength left to move. Cannot even break the glass to jump out of them. The fall would kill him, either way he has no choice. Dying in the flames, which have not quite reached this room directly yet or fall and accept his doom, thus make it quicker. Whichever decision he would make, he knows, it will be his last. 

He looks down, hugging his son even closer, wiping his own tear tracks from his son's cheeks. Jonathan looks so peaceful, almost too peaceful and Michael hopes he is with his mother by now, at least he cannot feel his poor child's heartbeat anymore. Everything around him has already been consumed by fire, to Michael it seems as if Death is reaching out for him. Whatever may happen to him, he regrets that his family had been, and is dying without him being able to keep them safe. Mourning his wife, being too emotional for a Shadowhunter, he had not realized fast enough when Valentine had wanted to meet him, apparently seeking his aid, to figure out what the other man's true intention had been, that he would end up a mere pawn in one of Valentine's cruel games. 

Trying to fight he could not have stood a chance –not even if he had been able to give his best- against his opponent, who almost took Jonathan from him. Everything he had left. Without the one who was supposed to fight by his side for the rest of their lives, without their bond, without him there Michael was not able to truly fight. He has not had his parabatai by his side for such a long time, no partner, no wife and cannot even protect his own child on his own. Michael knew this, of course, and Valentine did as well. Thus as he got weaker and weaker Michael agreed to Valentine's unspoken order. 

Hoping to at least save his child, without knowing he, Jonathan, had already ceased to have a chance to live the moment the leader of the Circle had gotten near Michael and his son. Valentine then had held him down, taunting him as the father had pressed his by then barely conscious child closer to him, trying to shield him with his body, to at least protect him like that, to keep him as far away from the threat as he was able to.  
It had not even been Valentine's intention taking Jonathan from him, and he had told the Waylands they were going to die anyway without him having to sully his hands. Even more, is what Michael thought bitterly and Valentine had just smiled that charming, but by now solely terrifyingly wicked smile of his and had then left them there to burn. 

The necklace, that had been put, or rather been forced around his neck still feels as if it is choking him and he tries to tear it off, again and again, eventually realizing he is still unable to get up or just move as much as his hands, he can barely even wiggle his fingers.  
Michael Wayland knows the blazing hands of Death are getting closer, are almost able to touch and his eyes fall shut, when his lungs seem to simply fail to control his breathing. His body wants to collapse as well but he is still kept upright, unnaturally so. As much as he tries, he cannot breathe anymore and the moment he eventually closes his eyes he accepts all of this, his regrets, missing seeing his child growing up, missing everything Jonathan could have been or done, missing and not ever seeing Eliza again even though he knows he would not have been able to see his wife again either way, missing the one person he also wants to see again and he regrets knowing... knowing his family is doomed, knowing every love he has ever felt was doomed from the beginning. 

Michael Wayland dies, hugging his dead son, trying to comfort him even in death, as they are consumed by the flames around them. The father's mind eaten up by regret, as his heart mourns every person he has ever loved, convincing him he alone is the one responsible for everything bad happening to all of them. At least one will not know he is going to die, maybe their estrangement had not been completely futile, it is Michael's last thought, the last one he does not regret. Not entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> I have way too many feels due to all these tragic couples and I want to write about them all. (I am going to regret that.)  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this little story as much as I did writing. :)


End file.
